Wednesday, May 30, 2007

a life, in short

I remember looking in mirrors from my earliest childhood and hating what I see. That has not changed. I've felt out of place, always on the outside looking in. Again that has not changed. I have asked myself for years, who am I and what is my place in this world? I know I am supposed to be here for a reason, but even after sixty years, I don't have a clue. I know factory life and corporate life are both outside of my purvue. It's always, "You're good, but not good enough". Am I ever going to be good enough for anything? Anyone?

I have sought answers and only found more questions. I have made many close and some extremely close, friends in the writer community. I know now that I can write, but to what avail? I want to make a change, to do something. Who am I, what am I supposed to do? If only I really know. Maybe someday


Anonymous said...

Hi. Life sure is angst-y, isn't it? I'm learning to simply take the misery with me in whatever I'm doing. That way, stuff still gets done, and when I feel better, I'm sort of suprised that it got done, and pleased. And then I'm pleased to feel pleased. After feeling bad, feeling good is such a nice change that I no longer take for granted. And then I know I can survive another bout of the ick. Keep writing! By the way, angst comes with writer territory. It's the price we pay. ("If you're miserable, you might be a writer!")-Donna

Blogging on a Dime said...

Dang, we really ARE related, hehe.

Thought I'd drop a line.


Anonymous said...

Stop questioning and listen to that still small voice within your heart--then all questions will be answered.

Jay Hudson said...

I know the feelings all too well.The questions,the doubts.I have discovered the source of it all.
In most cases our parents programmed us to fail by saying,"Don't,watch out,be careful,you can't do that."

When we self-talk,the voice we hear is not really our own.It's our parents that are talkling through us.
That load of emotion we haul all day everyday is what gives us our write edge.

It's the toughest computer programming we will ever have to erase,and it usually takes a lifetime to get it done.

One of your writer friends,

JanetElaineSmith said...

I used to wonder what I wanted to be when I grew up. I really wanted to be a nurse. I didn't do that, because I wanted to be a missionary. I did that. It was a good choice, but it still wasn't ALL that I wanted to be. I, like you, was searching for more.

Then one day it hit me. It was on my 30th birthday. For some reason, I felt like people would expect a 30-year-old to be an adult. That scared the bejabbers out of me. That was the one thing I DIDN'T want to be--a grown up!

So, I set my sails for a different course. I ended up being a lot of things. One of the most fulfilling of those things (including wife, mother, social worker, translator, music teacher, genealogist, to name a few) was to be a writer. I finally figured out that I could be anything I wanted to be--on paper. It's the greatest life I've ever imagined. I can be a little kid or an old lady. I can be rich or poor. I can pursue adventure or fall in love.

Don't spend so long, my friend, trying to figure out what you want to be that you forget to be you!